Relapse
by potatowitheyes
Summary: "I don't wanna be somebody falling into relapse every time I see that smile again." -Divided by Friday. Rated M for heavy cursing.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the song Relapse and/or Divided by Friday. I also do not own Glee.**

**Song taken from Relapse - Divided by Friday.**

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><p>First time I saw her we were 18, at a party. It was boring, really; with Puck telling me about his latest sexcapade ( <em>I mean how stupid these girls that fall for Puck's "smooth moves" they were clearly dropped one too many times on their head as a baby, like wtff?)<em> I glanced around the house all the while pretending to listen to him. Like a magnet, my eyes were instantly drawn to the pretty, no, _stunning-breathtaking-gorgeous _blonde laughing with her friends. I caught her eye and she smiled at me.

I felt my heart beat faster and I knew in that moment, I would always be a victim of her smile.

The second time I saw Quinn (_finally,_ _a name for a stunning-breathtaking-gorgeous face. Thank you Mercedes and your big mouth_,) I was on my way home lost in thought about which university to attend that I did not notice someone sitting on the bench with their legs stretched in front of them (_like what the fuck. Who sits like that in public?) _causing me to trip and bump against someone before falling face first on the HARD, AS IN HARD AS FUCK asphalt.

I felt someone trying to help me off the ground _(like nah bitch, let the earth swallow me and my dignity whole! OH MY GOD, WHAT DID I DO WRONG TODAY LORD!)_ Mustering all the courage and pride I have left, I gather the strength to pick myself up. I glared at the stranger sitting on the bench while dusting myself off. I winced as some fucking stranger touched the new abrasion on my face. That's when I looked at the "fucking stranger" as I eloquently put it, my breath getting caught in my throat.

I smiled a dopey grin. For someone who has no dignity left, I sure felt happy—elated even. She introduced herself as Quinn Fabray ( _and of course I fucking knew her, she's only the fucking future mother of my fucking children) _and I can only introduce myself as S-s-s-santana (_god brain, really? The girl of my dreams and I spoke like Nagini from Harry Potter) _Maybe she took pity on me and my scraped face because she laughed she—_oh my god that laugh_—while dragging me to the direction of her house to fix my face.

"Quinn, you fixed my face and with that, is there a possibility that you can please fix my heart because I know deep down that I'm only half of what I should be. Will you please go on a date with me? I literally fell for you just 2 hours ago."

She laughed again, her hazel eyes danced with joy and sparkled with mirth and I promised in that moment to always make her happy.

Before the day ended I got a date with the love of my life.

The third time I saw Quinn Fabray (_-Lopez. Just kidding hehe_,) she was wearing a pink sundress with denim jacket and knee high boots, her blonde hair perfectly framing her goddess-like face. I beamed at her, ready to take her out for our first date. We spent the night laughing and talking about our childhood, our fears and dreams, our passions and dislikes (_fuck this shit this girl is perfect. FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS HOW IMPORTANT TV SERIES ARE, and fuck, I can marry this girl right now.)_

The night ended and I drove her back home. She smiled at me and I feel myself falling deeper whenever she smiles.

The fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth (date) time I saw Quinn passed by with a blur. (_I just want to tell the Time Lord to calm their tits and slow time because the fuck bruh the time I spend with the love of my life is ALWAYS NOT ENOUGH.)_

The tenth time I saw Quinn, she looked at me as if we were the only ones in the world _(like no one else and nothing else mattered. Damn right, I suppose.) _Without wasting another second, she kissed me. Without hesitation and without any doubts, and it's oh so wonderful and magnificent and just, _shit_. I felt breathless (_my heart goes boom badum boom boom badum boom boom) _It felt like everything is all right in the world, that the missing piece I've been looking for my whole life is complete ( _kissing Quinn feels better than when Grey's Anatomy is on TV, and THAT my friend is saying a lot.)_

Before the night ended, Lucy Quinn Fabray is officially my girlfriend. (_that's right mothafuckas, go find your own girl)_

The 100th? 200th? (_I don't keep track anymore, well shit)_ time I saw Quinn; we were on our way to Yale University. Together. Quinn wanting to be a Neurosurgeon and I wanting to be a Pediatric surgeon. After arriving and unpacking our things ( _thank god we bought an apartment!)_ we bought takeout from a nearby Chinese restaurant and just watched movies. We talked about my insecurities and fears of her leaving me. (_I even cried! For the Love of Cosima and Delphine, I cried! In front of my fucking future wife! JUST LIKE, NO. UGH) _I sobbed and cried into her arms. Just us, and her holding me tight with snot running down my nose, whispering sweet nothings into my ear (and just _my face was a mess, I _was a mess.)

Before sleep overtook me, Quinn wiped away my tears (and fears) and kissed me. Lovingly she said,

"_I'm never gonna leave you, always gonna keep you right here next to me."_

I see her smile, and I knew—I fucking knew that one day, I'm gonna marry this girl and we'll spend the rest of our lives with each other.

I can't remember how many times we spent together, we've been together for almost 5 years and I know in fact that those are the BEST 5 YEARS OF MY LIFE ( _and possibly my existence.)_ It wasn't always rainbow and sunshine but we always work it out. It's like fate, really. We always find ourselves coming back to each other.

I love it, _I love her._

I can't remember the 2000th, the 50000th, maybe even the 5859485947698th time I saw Quinn. _(because let's face it, how can you keep track of the times you meet the love of your life when you can't bear to not see her for a day. Plus you live together. Who are we shitting?)_

But I can tell you the last time I saw Quinn Fabray.

It was a Friday night; we were walking along the streets of New York, just talking and laughing about anything and everything. Like nothing has changed during the five years we've been together. Maybe we're a little grown up and a little more in love. I took her hand and squeezed it, she smiled ( _that sweet smile that got me hook from the first time I saw it) _and squeezed back. The city lights reflected in her hazel eyes, making her more beautiful; and making me fall harder in love. _(fuckshit, she really is the one)_

We made love that night. I memorized every part of her (_every scar, every freckle, everything that makes it real—makes her real)_ and embedding it deep inside my mind.

I woke up feeling dread at the pit of my stomach. I looked around the room for Quinn, noticing something wrong. I stood up and felt panic coursing through my veins. I searched every room, realizing what's wrong; all of her things are gone. Packed and gone together with her, and my _(now shattered?) _heart.

Only thing left is a note on top of the counter written with a hasty handwriting _(so fucking unlike Quinn) _saying:

_I love you but I don't think I can be the one._

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><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry but this is my first fanfic and well shit, I'm an art student. I draw on paper not right on them so forgive me but I'll go crazy if I didn't get this story out.**


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